8 Funniest Stiles Stilinski Quotes (& 7 Most Heartbreaking)

Stiles Stilinski of Teen Wolf has always been the fan-favorite character in the MTV series. Played by Dylan O’Brien, Stiles is known for his loyalty, humor, and unrelenting sarcasm. He can lighten any situation, which is helpful in a show packed with so many dark and tense moments.

RELATED: Teen Wolf: 10 Funniest Moments In The Series

Even so, Stiles isn’t just a source of comic relief. He’s fiercely loyal and protective of Scott and the rest of their pack. Outside of the supernatural, Stiles is passionate about crime-solving, taking after his father, the sheriff. His intelligence is instrumental in many of the dilemmas he and Scott face. But like Scott, Stiles goes through his fair share of loss and pain. No matter what mood he’s in, viewers can always count on some memorable Stiles Stilinski quotes.

Updated on June 11th, 2021 by Svetlana Sterlin: When fans look back on Teen Wolf, Stiles and his quotable lines are some of the most enduring moments. The show’s balance of light and dark was a defining factor for the overall mood and tone, and part of the reason for the show’s massive success and popularity. As the show progressed, the themes darkened, and even Stiles wasn’t immune to the growing darkness. His absence aside, some of his humor lessened, replaced with sadder moments and painful breakups – both romantic and platonic. Here are some of the most memorable Stiles quotes from Teen Wolf, both funny and heartbreaking.

15 Funny: “I’m Gonna Break Off An Extra-Large Branch Of Mountain Ash, Wrap It In Wolfsbane, Roll It In Mistletoe, And Shove It Up Your Freaking …”

Stiles is suspicious of Ethan and Aiden, from the moment he lays eyes on them. Lydia is quick to express her interest in them, especially Aiden, with whom she later has a romantic relationship. It’s possible that Stiles’ hatred may be related to this.

When Scott approaches Ethan, the twin wonders why Scott is asking for his help since he’s in Deucalion’s pack. In any case, Ethan starts talking about killing people when he happens to glance at Stiles, who immediately assumes that Ethan’s threatening him. He responds with this memorable line, and his hand gestures make the delivery even better.

14 Heartbreaking: “You See, Death Doesn’t Happen To You, Lydia. It Happens To Everyone Around You …”

Early in season 2, Lydia goes over to the Stilinski household to speak to Stiles and is shocked to find he’s been beaten up, his face covered in bruises. But when she reveals she wants to help Jackson (who is now a kanima), she says she doesn’t care about the danger. Stiles reveals how deep his unrequited love for Lydia is when he tells her:

You don’t care about getting hurt. But you know how I’ll feel? I’ll be devastated. And if you die, I will literally go out of my freaking mind. You see, death doesn’t happen to you, Lydia. It happens to everyone around you, to all the people left standing at your funeral trying to figure out how they’re going to lives the rest of their lives now without you in it.

He proceeds to tell her that his wounds weren’t meant to hurt him, but everyone who cares about him. The threat Gerard made extends to his family.

13 Funny: “My Cousin … Miguel.”

Miguel may just be the series’ funniest long-running joke. When Danny comes over to trace a text for Stiles, Derek happens to be in the room, as serious and silent as ever. Creeped out, Danny asks Stiles who he is. Derek glares at Stiles, who introduces him as his cousin, Miguel. The scene becomes funnier when Derek has to change into one of Stiles’ colorful, tight-fitting shirts.

In season 4, Scott’s pack travels to Mexico and finds Derek, who has apparently aged backward. To avoid questions that may lead to the discovery of Beacon Hills’ supernatural population, Stiles tells Scott’s dad that young Derek is his cousin, Miguel, “from Méjico.” The Spanish is a throwback to Stiles’ iconic season 1 quote, “I mean ‘no’. You wanna hear it in Spanish? Noh.

12 Heartbreaking: “Some Of Us Have To Make Mistakes. Some Of Us Are Human.”

The end of Scott and Stiles’ friendship was a moment fans didn’t see coming. What starts as a white lie burgeons into a terrible secret. After killing Donovan in self-defense, Stiles is wracked with guilt and can’t bear to tell anyone what he’s done – especially Scott.

But Theo knows, and he blackmails Stiles by threatening to tell Scott about the incident. Both Theo and Stiles know that it would mean the end of Scott and Stiles’ friendship. When Scott finally does find out, Stiles’ fears prove to be true. As many fans were quick to point out, what’s truly sad about this scene is that if their positions were reversed, Stiles would understand and probably wouldn’t blame Scott. This is exactly why Stiles reminds him that he’s human and makes mistakes. To top it all off, it’s pouring rain throughout the scene.

11 Funny: “No, We Found Him Buried In A Tomb Of Wolfsbane In An Aztec Temple In Mexico Underneath A Church …”

After returning from a clandestine trip to Mexico, where they find a young and confused Derek, Scott and Stiles must explain the situation to Sheriff Stilinski. Still recovering from his outrage, Stiles’ dad asks them if they found him swimming in the fountain of youth.

RELATED: Teen Wolf Characters Ranked From Least To Most Likely To Win The Hunger Games

Stiles replies with the quote above in a calm, reasonable manner, which Dylan O’Brien delivers perfectly. In typical Stilinski fashion, his explanation doesn’t comfort the sheriff in the slightest.

10 Heartbreaking: “If You’re Gonna Do This, Then I Think You’re Just Gonna Have To Take Me With You.”

The ninth episode of season 3, “Motel California”, stands out because of the change of setting, which makes for a lot of interesting character interactions, including Coach releasing his pent-up anger by whistling at Stiles whenever he tries to speak. By nightfall, the werewolves are behaving strangely, which turns out to be a result of the wolfsbane concealed in Coach’s whistle.

Scott ends up in a pool of gasoline with a burning flare in his hand. Stiles is willing to sacrifice himself to save Scott. Stiles’ words reveal that for him, a world without Scott isn’t worth living in.

9 Funny: “Don’t Think About Allison Being In The Stands. Or That Her Father’s Trying To Kill You. Or That Derek’s Trying To Kill You. Or The Girl He Killed …”

Scott and Stiles are in the locker room before a lacrosse game, but neither is really thinking about the game ahead. Scott’s worrying about impressing Allison and having a normal life. Stiles tries to comfort him, and his speech starts out promisingly.

RELATED: Teen Wolf: 7 Characters Who Got Fitting Endings (& 8 Who Deserved More)

“Just try not to worry too much out there,” he says. Scott nods distractedly. As an afterthought, Stiles adds, “Or get too angry.” This continues until his words become more alarming, and Scott slowly turns on him and glares. Stiles quickly apologizes and wishes him luck.

8 Heartbreaking: “I’m Not A Hero.”

Stiles’ dad is proud of him for turning the tide of the lacrosse game – the one after which he’s beaten up, remember? – and leading Beacon Hills to victory. He calls Stiles a hero, but he disagrees. After Noah leaves the room, Stiles whispers the words to himself with utter hopelessness.

This reveals a lot about Stiles’ character and the insecurity he must feel being Scott’s best friend. From Stiles’ perspective, everyone in the pack seems to have a role except for him. He’s just a human who doesn’t have any special powers or abilities and winning a lacrosse game hardly matters when his friends are saving lives and battling evil. Everyone else knows this isn’t true, and that Stiles is invaluable as a friend, investigator, and problem-solver; he just doesn’t yet see his worth.

7 Funny: “Someone Needs To Sex Me Right Now!”

When virgins of Beacon Hills are being ritually sacrificed, Stiles begins to fear for his own life, but nobody takes his speech seriously. “It means that my lack of sexual experience is now literally a threat to my life, okay? I need to have sex, like, right now. Someone needs to have sex with me, like, today. Like, someone needs to sex me right now!”

Scott isn’t the only one watching with an amused expression. Stiles slams his locker door and there, leaning casually against the door, is Danny. He volunteers to help Stiles out and tells him to stay the night because he “likes to cuddle”. Stiles is offended by this joke since he’s previously asked Danny whether he thinks Stiles is attractive. “You don’t toy with a guy’s emotions like that, Danny – it’s not attractive,” he calls to Danny’s back.

6 Heartbreaking: “You Just Don’t Believe. Mom Would’ve Believed Me.”

Stiles is trying to explain to his father that Beacon Hills is home to a population of supernatural creatures. With people dying left and right, the sheriff doesn’t really want to hear what his son is telling him. Stiles is disappointed and hurt that his dad won’t believe him, especially when their trust in one another has been so strong throughout the series. Furthermore, his lack of belief could result in more deaths, but the sheriff only thinks that Stiles is wasting his time.

In bringing up the difference between his mom and dad, Stiles expresses a feeling of abandonment, loneliness, and lack. However, it also shows he’s learned Deaton’s lesson about believing from season 2.

5 Funny: “You’re Killing People – To Death!”

Stiles Offers Jackson Food After Helping Kidnap Him In Teen Wolf

Throughout season 2, Stiles helps Scott try to figure out who the kanima is. They eventually realize that it really is Jackson, and they have no choice but to kidnap him and trap him in a van. Stiles is left with the unpleasant task of locking himself in the van with Jackson.

Confused, Jackson struggles to believe that he’s a supernatural creature. Stiles dislikes Jackson as it is, but now that he’s in chains, Stiles sees this as his chance to really rub it in. He explains that Jackson, as the kanima, is Beacon Hills’ biggest threat. In typical Stiles fashion, he doesn’t really hear himself talk and over-emphasizes his point.

4 Heartbreaking: “I’m Gonna Miss You.”

As one of the main characters of the show, fans were very upset to learn that Stiles would be leaving Beacon Hills. In reality, Dylan O’Brien’s schedule didn’t allow him to continue as a series regular after season 5.

In the show, Stiles prepares to leave Beacon Hills and begin his internship at an FBI training academy. He’s just been brought back after being abducted by the Ghost Riders, but now he and Scott are being torn apart again. They share an emotional exchange in which Stiles tells him he needs him, and that he’ll miss him. It’s a heartbreaking moment in real life, too, since Stiles’ absence seems more permanent for the last season.

3 Funny: “You Read That Movie?”

Stiles and Lydia look at a computer screen in Teen Wolf

Stiles and Lydia are one of the show’s most dynamic duos, often pairing up to solve mysteries. In season 4, they’re working on the dead pool codes, which have ties to Eichen House and thus, Lydia’s grandmother.

RELATED: Teen Wolf: 5 Reasons Scott & Allison Were Better Than Stiles & Lydia (And 5 Why Stydia Are Better)

Stiles encourages Lydia to think back to what she and grandmother did together when Lydia was a child. She remembers that they read The Little Mermaid, which Stiles is flabbergasted by: “You read that movie?” Lydia looks up, annoyed, and reminds him that it was a book first.

2 Heartbreaking: “I’m Fine …”

Stiles in the guidance counesllor's office in Teen Wolf

At the end of season 2, after going through a number of ordeals, Stiles sees the guidance counselor. He’s asked to talk about how he feels, and naturally, he says he’s fine.

But then he pauses and elaborates on this answer: “… aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen.” He describes the feeling of an impending panic attack, but his instinct is always to conceal his true feelings because he has a reputation for being upbeat and goofy.

1 Funny: “Don’t Be Such A Sour Wolf.”

Stiles is well known for his iconic one-liners, especially in the earlier seasons. He’s still naive and doesn’t really think before he speaks, especially when it comes to potentially dangerous characters.

Though Derek is technically on Scott’s side, he never fails to threaten Stiles and express his irritation at the teenager. Of course, this doesn’t stop Stiles from teasing him. After hearing Derek unleash his werewolf howl, Stiles compliments him and calls it “awesome”. Derek tells him to shut up, to which Stiles responds, “Don’t be such a sour wolf.” The comment pokes fun at Derek, but also at the show’s title and the very idea of werewolves.

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