“At the start of the season I was ready to walk away from the sport.
“I didn’t want to return, I was in a really sad and dark and lonely place.”
Words that convey just how close Team Ireland swimmer Danielle Hill came to quitting the elite level of competition that has ultimately delivered her a European gold medal this summer and will see her compete at her second Olympic Games in Paris.
Hill became the first Team Ireland swimmer to win a long course gold medal in 27 years when she triumphed in the 50m backstroke in Belgrade in a time of 27.73 seconds for the biggest win of her career.
Later in the week the 24-year-old added a silver medal in the 100m backstroke final.
It is this summer’s Olympics in France which is very much the focus for Hill now though, an experience which may not have been on the horizon were it not for the intervention of a former Irish Olympian.
“I went for six weeks without swimming – when I took a step back I just wanted to be back in, but mentally wasn’t there,” explained the Larne woman.
“It was dark and it was lonely but I had the right support, I reached out and got the help that I needed.
“We brought Jessie Barr on board, who is an ex-Olympian [an athlete who took part in the London 2012 Games] and the first conversation that we had, all she did was listen. I was in tears for I think the whole session.”
‘Unlocking the emotional Danielle’
That meeting proved a turning point for Hill and she is now concentrating on enjoying her swimming.
“I came away and immediately I wanted to get into the water and we knew from that point on that it was the right move and this was something that was going to unlock the emotional Danielle that not everyone sees.
“It had been building for a couple of years, hidden by the fact that I went to the Commonwealth Games, I went to the World Championships. I was struggling, it’s part of sport, it’s part of life, but reaching out was the best thing I’ve ever done.
“Then we had to learn we have to take this step by step, day by day, and thankfully we are reaping the rewards of it now.”
The county Antrim woman says the possibility that competing in top level sport “could end at any point” gives her added motivation.
“It’s about living in the moment, enjoying this moment. When I go out there I’m doing it for myself, my friends, my family, my team-mates.
“It’s much bigger than winning medals. I’m going to the Olympics and sport can give you so much.”
‘It’s like they are talking about somebody else’
Hill says success at the European Championships was not something she was expecting but it has provided the perfect springboard for Olympic competition.
“It still hasn’t really sunk in. People are saying it to me and it’s like they are talking about somebody else.
“I didn’t have any expectation. It’s a pretty special feeling and one that I want to carry into Paris.
“Me and Peter [Hill, Danielle’s coach] have very high expectations now. Medals and positions aren’t guaranteed so I have to go out there and do the times that I’ve been doing, back up the performances I have had and try and get through the rounds and see how far we can go.”
Having participated in the Tokyo Games, Hill is determined to savour the moment once again in the pinnacle of her sport.
“I would love to come away as a finalist, would love to come away as a double finalist, but the 50m free wasn’t even in my sights to go to Paris, so that is a cherry on top.
“I’m going to stand behind the block, look to the crowds and see mum and dad there for a start, and we’ll see what we can do from there.”
If you’ve been affected by any of the issues in this story, BBC Action Line has links to organisations that can offer help and advice.
